I am a jealous person. I know it's wrong, but I can't seem to help it. I don't get jealous over clothes or cars or most material possessions. I get jealous over relationships and spirituality. Maybe envious is a better word, or maybe its the same thing.
In many ways I feel like a life-long cheerleader. Not the kind that puts her hair in a pony tail and dons a skirt for a basketball game, but the every day cheerleader who is here to encourage everyone else.
Encouragement is not bad; it's one of my spiritual gifts. But sometimes I get tired of cheering. I want things to happen to me and for me and I get pretty bogged down when they don't. Being happy for others is good, very good. But sometimes it exhausts me.
Sometimes people have close relationships with people I want to be close to. Sometimes people seem to be so spiritually mature and I want that same maturity in Christ. Truth is, for so long I ran from questions because they only seemed to produce fear. I now find myself being able to question, and feel light years behind other people.
I am a pretty outgoing person, but often there seems to be a disconnect between people and me. It's as if there is so much going on inside of me that I feel socially awkward. I'm sorting through some confusion.
This too shall pass.
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There comes a time in your life when you have to stop and take care of YOU. Being a cheerleader is not a bad thing but you become a character actor as time goes by. To help avoid this, you sometimes must share your inner self with others that might not behold the "happy Rebecca". It's ok not to be UP all the time, but you are definitely a ray of sunshine for me as I enter the halls of Taylor.
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