Saturday, September 29, 2007

A Little Perspective

I am 25; I will be 25 when I graduate.

Graduation from Divinity school will come 8 years after I started at Campbell.

A little math: Very close to 1/3 of my life I have been a student at Campbell.

Wow.

Zeal or Pride?

I got this quote from a minister at Breakthrough Urban Ministries in Chicago. He got it from Breakthrough's executive director. This quote is.....wow. I can't speak for the calling to other areas of ministry, but for the urban minister there is incredible truth here.

It also reminds me of one of my favorite verses. "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." ~Romans 12:11

How important it is to know the difference between pride and Christ-honoring zeal. How important it is to draw near to the Savior to recognize the difference.

"Those of us who do work explicitly defined as Christian..live in an
especially hazardous environment, for the very nature of the work is a constant
temptation to sin. The sin is, to put an old word on it, pride. But it is often
nearly impossible to identify as pride, especially in its early stages. It looks
and feels like energetic commitment, sacrificial zeal, selfish
devotion.

But something almost always goes wrong. In our zeal to proclaim the Savior
and enact his commands, we lose touch with our own basis and daily need for the
savior. We feel so good, so grateful, so saved. And these people around us
are in such need. We throw ourselves recklessly into the fray. Along
the way most of us end up so identifying our work with Christ's work that Christ
himself recedes into the shadows and our work is spotlighted at center
stage. Because the work is so compelling, so engaging - so right - we
work with what feels like divine energy. One day we find ourselves (or
others find us) worked into the ground. The work may be wonderful, but we
ourselves turn out to be not so wonderful, becoming cranky, exhausted, pushy, and
patronizing in the process.

The alternative to acting like gods who have no need of God is to become
contemplative ministers. If we do not develop a contemplative life
adequate to our vocation, the very work we do and our very best intention,
insidiously pride-fueled as they inevitable become, destroy us and with whom and
for whom we work.

Contemplation comprises the huge realities of worship and prayer
without which we become performance-driven and program-obsessed ministers.
A contemplative life is not an alternative to the active life, but its root and
foundation. True contemplatives are a standing refutation of all who
mislabel spirituality as escapism. If ministers do not practice the
contemplative life, how will people know the truth of it and have access to its
energy? The contemplative life generatesand releases and enormous
amount of energy into the world-the enlivening energy of God's grace rather than
the enervating frenzy of our pride."

-Eugene Peterson Under the Unpredictable Plant

Friday, September 28, 2007

Broken Heart?

The summer I turned 14 I had quite the crush on this guy who came down every summer to visit his grandparents down the street. Maybe I thought I had a big secret, but I'm pretty sure my whole family knew.

He had been visiting for about 2 weeks each summer for quite a few years. The routine was generally the same. My brother David and I would watch Little House on the Prairie and then we would meet up with Justin and another neighbor for hours of playing war outside, using various backyards for battleground. As the years past I stopped seeing so much of a fun kid that came around and I inevitably developed the young teenage crush.

As the years went on my brother was very attuned to what was going on and made it a point to mention to my parents and me when he noticed our friend look at me a certain way or do anything to indicate someone might like his little sister.

At my 14th birthday party he came, present in hand. When I opened up a silver-colored necklace my heart jumped off rhythm for just a second. I couldn't believe it! He had gotten me a present! He later informed me his grandma made him bring a present to my birthday party, which now makes me laugh.

When I blew out the candles on my cake I wished that I could kiss him. Now do believe me, that was a huge growing up step in my young life. While I may have been more mature than others my age in some areas of life, I was quite behind when it came to boys, and makeup, and "typical teenage things." Wanting to hold onto my "secret," when my best friend asked me what I wished for I said, "To read every book in the world." That wasn't too far from a wish I probably would have made. She said I should have wished for something more practical.

Maybe it was that summer or maybe it was another, but Justin had just left. I rode my bike around and around the cul-de-sac that made up so much of my childhood and I felt sad. I wondered to myself, "Is this what it feels like to have a broken heart?"

A couple hours later I was probably off doing something else, the thoughts from before barely even registering in my mind.

No, I never kissed the boy and I'm not sure where he is now. Last I heard he was in Annapolis and had a girlfriend, but that was many years ago. His grandma passed away a few years after that and eventually someone else moved into that house. Not too long after that my family moved to North Carolina.

As I look at the heartbreaks that came in later years, I see how gracious God was to let me be introduced to that kind of pain slowly. I also see how faithful God has been in carrying me past all of that pain.

Heartbreaks come now in different ways, but sometimes I just like to remember. Remember a place and time when a crush was the world and 3008 Sherwood Rd was the center of the universe.

Sometimes I think about those growing points in my life and I simply smile.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

On the Lifehouse Video

I am not sure how to put text and a video together without messing it up. I'm not exactly tech savvy. But I wanted to express this.

God is working in me in mighty and powerful ways. Listen to the words. Many of the lyrics of this song describe what I feel. God is speaking. This is worship.

Lifehouse - Breathing (Music Video)

Give Up the Fight?

I'm a Republican; largely due to tradition and stuborness. It was a group of Republicans in a Waldorf Borders that stirred up my interest in politics, I decided long ago that I identified more closely with the Republican Party, and I refuse to fall into the trap of thinking that only Christians who are democrats are truly carrying out Christ's command to care for the poor.

So, I had this conversation with a good friend last night. He talked about how he believes abortion is wrong, as do I. But he went further. He talked about how right-wing churches preach abortion is wrong and that there are other options, such as adoption. The problem, he says, is that those churches do nothing to make the other options more available. He can't think of any mid to upper-class conservative white people adopting babies from the ghetto, or babies with AIDS, or babies with birth defects.

It's true. So many Christians champion around teens who don't have abortions, but when they see a teen carrying a baby at the mall they just shake their heads in disgust. Shouldn't they be happy that they got what they wanted?? The girl didn't have an abortion!

There's a total disconnect. No one wants to help raise the child; babysitting for free, helping buy diapers, teaching women how to be better mothers. It's as if once the abortion doesn't happen, the baby is totally the girl's "problem." Don't get me wrong, I believe abortion is a sin, but what are we as churches doing to provide other options?

This post was originally going to be about health care and how I wonder if government-funded care is the best the poor of this nation can ever hope for. I think government-funded health care is some of the worst health care anywhere (those of you having experience with military doctors and hospitals probably understand). So the "Give Up the Fight?" headline was about my questioning whether I should forget thinking there is better care. I keep saying bad health care is better than no health care, but there has to be something better for the people of this nation. Like abortion, if I can't help provide those other options, why am I preaching against what IS available?

So should I give up the fight and support government-funded health care? Maybe I should.

Friday, September 21, 2007

On Blogging

So, I'm in this Ministry of Writing class and it has produced a precise response within me: the beginnings of humility regarding my own abilities. I say beginnings of humility because I realize the hypocrisy of calling oneself humble. Trust me, that I am not.

For this class we are supposed to start or continue a blog. That was no problem for me, as my faithful friend Rachel introduced me to the blogging sphere years ago. But then there is the question of content.

There is often the pressure to post these incredibly deep and insightful posts, especially now that my professor will be taking a look. However, nobody is deep and insightful all the time. My blog is not to inspire the world- though were that to happen I'd be pleased. My blog is about communicating with family and friends. I want them to see a more holistic picture of me; the deep, the random, and the light-hearted. So yes, I might blog about what God has been teaching me. Then again, I also might blog about the hilarious headline I read in the nearby smalltown newspaper.

So that's my explanation of my blog. You can take it or leave it, but I hope you take it.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wow, That's Me!

Wow....this dead on from just a 3 question test!


Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Church Directory, Round 2

A few years ago my church published a directory of its members. Was my picture in this publication? No, but my printed contact information in the back was.

I'm kind of funny like that. I felt really awkward about getting my picture by myself, so I just opted out. I was going that route this time around until my pastor asked me point blank if I had made my photo appointment. I tried the standard, "Should I get my picture taken since I'm leaving in May?" graduation excuse, but he assured me I was part of the church family now, so I should be included.

So why the apprehension to put my face on a page? Well, when I look at church directories I always think it's kind of sad to see a bunch of families and then a single person's portrait. I don't mean single, as in not married. I mean single, as in the only person in the picture. It's not a married/single issue, after all.

If my parents went to my church I would have no hesitancy to get our picture made. Though some might argue that a 25-year-old still living in her parental family unit looks odd. So, it's not the fact that I don't have a husband, rather it's the fact that I don't have anyone in the picture with me and I think that looks lonely.

I thought about all that before I even began to think about the process of getting the picture made. After taking photo after photo of families, the photographer will probably have to readjust the zoom to take a picture of just me. I will feel ackward, I'm sure. Not to mention the free 8x10 picture I receive. Trust me, I don't want that.

I just hate looking like I have no one. No cousins, parents, friends, family. I know most people don't even think that when looking at church directories. I know that, as a member of the body of Christ, the church is also my family.

But for some reason, I dislike the idea of a me-only church directory photo.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Um....

Tonight I went to my first ever yoga class. I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive; especially after studying Hinduism in World Religions. But it was Memorial Baptist Church, and figuring they're Biblically sound, I went ahead and went to the class with my mom.

It was taught by a lady I know at church, so that made it more comfortable. Yet, as we sat there and we closed our eyes and she said, "Ummmmmm ", I knew that were Erin there we would have giggled quite heartily.

We tried all kinds of weird moves and positions and there was only one I really couldn't do. I think it was towards the end, as we were laying there in the dark, that I thought that my perception of "ummmmmmm" was more like "um...." as in "um....what on earth is this?"

In fact, at one point, as I stood there, bent at the waist and seeing a hallway at Memorial Baptist upside down, I began to think what a great movie intro that could be. The movie jumps on the screen and everything is upside down. It then flashes to the main character (camera rightside up now), as she bends in an "ummmm" upside down pose and narrates, "I have no idea how I got here." Story continues.

I think my mom and I are gonna go again next week. We'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Blog Consolidation

So I have been posting to 4 different blogs and frankly it's gotten a little annoying. So what I'm asking is for you to let me know which of the blogs I post on (livejournal, xanga, myspace, blogspot) that you read. I'm kind of hoping to cut out livejournal and xanga, but we'll see.