One
of the first questions we ask a person upon learning his or her name is “What
do you do for a living?” Perhaps it’s a simple ice breaker question; something
safe, unlike religion or politics. Knowing what a person does for a living
gives us a clue into who he or she is, what he or she is skilled at and
frankly, it’s an easy and polite question to ask.
In
Christian circles we may ask, “What is your calling?” And almost every time the
respondent will answer with a vocation. Those answers aren’t wrong; God does
call us to certain careers. My curiosity lies in the fact that the answer rarely
seems to be anything other than work.
Lest
I forget- there are those in the conservative circles who will remind women
that their highest calling is to be a wife and mother. I disagree. A person’s
highest calling is to be in relationship with God and frankly, if being a wife and mother is
every woman’s highest calling, could we assume Mother Theresa failed to fulfill
God’s will for her life? Obviously not.
Regardless
of the terminology used, we spend a lot of time talking about what we do to
earn a paycheck. This question tends to lead to guilt on my part. I’m not
saying it’s logical or correct, but since employment too often seems to be the
epitome of a calling, I struggle with whether or not I am getting it right.
For
instance, I once saw a Facebook sticker about how Marines never have to wonder
if their job makes a difference. Maybe so, but I’m pretty sure if I were a
Marine I’d still wonder. I’ve wondered when working with the homeless and I
wonder now when working with the dying.
When
people hear I work for hospice I get a variety of responses, usually along the
lines of “That takes a special person.” What people don’t know is that sometimes
I feel guilty about my job. You read
that right: sometimes I feel guilty for being a hospice social worker.
Why? Long story short: the job description included part social work and part chaplaincy and between my education and experience, it seemed a no-brainer to apply. I didn't fully understand the published job description was incorrect until after I took the job. I really struggled when I
learned I would only be doing bereavement counseling and social work and then,
due to financial issues, the organization didn’t replace a social worker who left and I was
needed full-time in that department. So now, I’m a full-fledged social worker.
So
why does that make me feel guilty? Because I was ordained and I feel guilty
that I am not in vocational ministry right now. Is that a valid reason?
Probably not, but part of me feels like I’m failing. Don’t I owe it to the
church to be in ministry? I went to divinity school and then grad school for a
social work degree to compliment the MDiv, not to replace it. Am I not living
up to my calling because of my current job?
That
leads me to again ask the question: is my calling more than my job? My divinity school dean used to say, “A
call to ministry is a call to prepare” and that statement supported the
importance of theological education. I ask myself, am I still preparing?
When
I was ordained I was serving as a chaplain and already planning to go back to
school to work in an urban ministry one day. As I’ve already mentioned, my
current job didn’t pan out the way I planned, but does that mean it isn’t part
of my calling? I have learned so much in this job that I know will benefit me in ministry and I truly believe I will be a better minister because of my current experience. Add to that, my current jobs pays very well. Could it be that this gives me
the opportunity to pay down some debt so I can be freer in a lower paying urban
ministry job? If I could get rid of some student loans, I would be under a lot
less stress with a minimal paycheck. Could it be that this job makes sense for
me right now? Maybe my preparation isn’t quite over yet. And maybe, just maybe, my calling is to a life of ministry and it is still valid even if at this very moment I am not in a vocational ministry position; maybe it's that that part of the calling will come later.
I look forward to the day I'm in vocational ministry, but I also realize that my calling isn’t limited to my
job; rather, it encompasses my whole life. It’s about my relationship with God,
my obedience to Him, and my love and compassion for others. That calling doesn't change based on my job title.
Regardless
of how I feel about my work right now, it’s not the epitome of my calling. My pursuit of God is the epitome. And the cool thing? He pursued me first.
