Discovering Self

There are a few things in life I don't understand. For instance, why doesn't brown and black match? I've asked around and just can't come to terms on that one.

Then there are more pressing matters. Like who am I? I am reading a book called "Reconciliation Blues" and the author talks about discovering who he is as a black Christian. I tried to understand this and came up only questioning it still. I tried to understand what being a particular race had to do with being a Christian. Then I thought, maybe it's like me trying to figure out where I should be and what I beleive as a female minister. I kind of started to get it a little.

Then I had some words of wisdom spoken to me by a friend. We can't really fix our relationships with each other until we know who we are ourselves. I think I am in the middle of that self-discovery process.

I've always been farther behind most of my friends when it comes to confidence, dating, etc. So it's no suprise that it is taking me a little longer to figure out exactly who God made me to be. I thought today, should I just take what I've learned about the city and go teach it in the suburbs and forget this way of life? But that doesn't seem right.

Ok, I admit, my work ethic is a little lacking. I often focus on what other people would do or want me to do. I have a lack of confidence in myself. These are just three examples of why I think I sabatoge my own plans.

Fellow urban ministers, how did you come to the point where you clicked with the youth? Found mutual understanding with the women? How did you get to the point where the kids accepted and loved you?