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I'm pretty used to having the city at my fingertips. Nothing to do one afternoon? Hop the L and head down to the Loop. While living in NC isn't bad, it takes some getting used to.

I don't think it's easy to understand the transition that takes place. I'm not crying, I'm not sad, I'm not wishing I was still in Chicago. I have to say, prayer is working because this transition has been fairly easy compared to others.

But sometimes I just want to share a funny story or an insight I gained. Then I fear looking like I think I know it all. I know I am far from being close to knowing it all.

After 3 1/2 months of being around people with individual personalities, I am now in another environment full of people with their own personalities. Less than half a year ago it was totally normal to me, but now it's a little more foreign than I would have expected.

I find myself highly adaptable.....so much that it isn't always healthy. If I see a play or a movie I sometimes begin to take on the mood or a similar thought process as the characters, at least for a few minutes.

Sometimes I adapt to the people I am around. I try to fit into certain senses of humor or speech or ideas that I seem to lose a little sight of myself. When I do that it's just not good.

I wrote in one of my last email updates from Chicago about the issue of trust. Am I seen as trustworthy? I want to be. I hate gossip; it tears us apart. And yet, there I am, contiributing to it sometimes. Hold me accountable, ok? If you're reading this, hold me accountable. If it takes a village to raise a child then it takes a whole support network to nurture an individual.

I regret some things, but don't we all? It's the things I cherish that take greater precedence. What if I could really strip myself of selfishness?

My friend Mariko from Breakthrough had this to say, and I value it:

"may god bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.....may god bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with god's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done."

Amen.