On the Topic of Debt

I kind of think President Bush and I have some things in common. For starters, we both had great ideas, but we failed to manage them appropriately.

Eight years ago I was a newly-turned 18-year-old about to embark on my college career. I had a scholarship and ambition and I knew I was smart. Not just in that 'I can do college' kind of way, but smart in the 'I am going to do amazing things' kind of way.

My dreams didn't materialize the way I planned. I put more emphasis into hanging out with friends than studying, so my grades were average. This trend continued through divinity school. I never accomplished what I wanted to with my grades.

Good thing a life is not defined by a GPA. I discovered my love for urban ministry and I found a new passion for ministry. But I had also discovered the excitement of spending money. Although I was always far from poor, I never grew up being able to spend money at will. So, 4 years ago when I discovered that student loan money could be used for anything (regardless of the ethical implications of that, just the fact that it was able to be used for anything) I went a little crazy. I could buy things, I could have more of the things that I wanted.

I knew I would have to pay the money back but even $25,000 a year was more than I had ever made. Surely if I was surviving on part-time jobs with the bills I already had, I could pay larger bills with a larger paycheck. So I continued to make financial mistakes.

I am out of school now and I have immense debt. Most of the debt is for school, but an irrationally large chuck of it is because I made really bad mistakes. I'm with my parents while I desperately search for a job, even if it's not what I want to do with my life.

I am convinced that I will one day be able to do what I want to do. And although my life has taken a different turn than I expected, I believe that I can fulfill God's will right now, even when I'm not living in the inner city. I believe his will for me is to always grow closer to him, and for now, to work my way out of debt. I'm 26, this can be done. I can be out of debt and I can show people that I made really dumb decisions, decisions that had consequences, but trust in God and hard work was what got me out of the mess. Until someone chooses to refuse a life of financial dependence and debt, they cannot change the cycle for children and grandchildren.

I don't believe that God wanted me to go in debt so I could one day help other people. I believe that I made stupid choices, but God is still going to work in my life in spite of them.

So, about the Bush thing. No, I didn't lead a nation to war, but I strained family relationships. No, I didn't make decisions that plummeted my approval rating, but I have let myself and others down. No, I didn't make decisions that had world-wide impact, but my decisions are severely impacting my world.

I believe Bush was striving for good. We know that other candidates, even Democrats, approved of the war at first. But I also believe there was mismanagement. Likewise, I believe that I wanted to make good choices, but I ended up mismanaging what was available to me.

It is my prayer that I work harder to be a good steward of everything God has given me.