BUILD and Finances

For those of you who get my weekly email updates while I'm in Chicago this will be pretty repetitive. The thing is, I have had so many things to think about this week.

I'll start with the BUILD class. BUILD stands for Breathrough Urban Institute of Leadership Development. People of different race, economic backgrounds, and locations come together to discuss a variety of topics such as social justice, race relations, and how to implement our faith in making these things better.When I interviewed for my internship I heard about this class and was immediately excited. Ever since Waco I have had a passion for these very topics.

Well, I went to my first class. It was more difficult than I thought. There are a variety of people, but since we don't really know each other too well most people talked about themselves. That's not a bad thing, but it starts to get old when almost every phrase begans with "I". I was feeling pretty frustrated about the whole thing. I appreciated when one girl spoke up and said it's not a competition of my hurt is better than your hurt, but that's what it felt like it was. As if everyone thought they had a deeper understanding of the issues because of their life experiences.

I grew even more frustrated because the students in the class didn't seem to know how to have a discussion. They would keep going on and on, override the facilitator, and jump in when they had something to say.

As Christians we love to talk. We're good at it. I don't want this to be another class where we just talk. I want some action. For a lot of students in the class this is probably their first exposure to some of these topics. I guess I just kind of felt like I was on social justice overload. I realize that sounds bad, but it seems like it has been at the forefront of my mind for most of the past year and a half.

Perhaps that's absurd because I'm going into a ministry where it is very much a center peice of what I will be doing. It's just that I want to move past talking. I don't want us to all sit around and pat ourselves on the back because we recognize the problems. I don't even want to sit around and just talk about how are faith is involved. I want to get out there and do something. Do what? I don't know. But I want to take action. I hope this class goes beyond "we have problems and need a solution" to actually helping us move in a direction where we can implement solutions, at least in the local realm. I hope that after this class I won't have to say I have no idea what I can do, but that I will have a plan that I will carry out.

I do have to admit that I was a little offended, as I think people are going to be every week. Just about every opinon given is biased in one way or another, mine included, because much of our opinions are shaped by our experiences. I don't have an experience of growing up in poverty and I don't have an experience of growing up in wealth. I want so bad to say what I do have an experience growing up in, but then I would just be feeding the "I" obsession that seems to flood our classroom. It would be so cool to think of it in terms of "we" rather than "I". Because even though the bonds of poverty and wealth are very different, I refuse to think they are so different that they can keep unity from the body of Christ.

Then there was the case of going to a local high school. This school was unlike any high school I had ever visited. It is clear that the vast, vast majority of these kids are from upper crust families. The night I went to see a play there they were having a benefit dinner. I scoffed at the idea because the gorgeous new fine arts building sure didn't leave the school looking like they needed anymore benefit.

I realize this is an attitude of judgement that God has to work with me on. There is nothing wrong with being middle class or upper middle class and sometimes I find myself dreaming about a house in a suburb by the city, with a wraparound porch, and a huge backyard. No, that is not wrong, but it is wrong for me, because I'm not called to that.

I think of my kids at Breakthrough and how they will never get to have the resources and facilities that these kids at the Academy had. For crying out loud it seems like the Chicago Public School system is only a part-time program, with as many days as they get off school.

The Academy offers scholarships so I researched them on their website. 20-80% of tuition. About a quarter of the kids receive aid. Even at an 80% scholarship the family would be paying $2,000 a year. The chances of getting that much looked pretty slim.

So basically I think the scholarship program is a wonderful resource to ease some of the financial burden of sending kids to this school. I also concluded that it seems to only help families who could pretty much afford to send their kids anyway, but could honestly use a discount. As for the kids in my neighborhood, the scholarships still wouldn't be enough.

On top of that the application process involves submitting test scores. At first this seems absurd. What test scores does an 8th grader have? I guess they have standardized testing and I think states now do the yearly tests that I didn't have in school. My kids go to schools that are underfunded and more than not produce test scores that would not get these kids into privelaged high schools.I pretty much decided that my kids wouldn't have much of a chance to go to a school like that.

And then I sit here and think, if I had an extra $40,000 to send one of the kids to that school for four years of high school, would I do it? Well, I don't anticipate having that money, but what if I did? If I saw a student who had such great potential in an area the school excelled in and I had the resources, would I love them as much as my own child to provide a scholarship for them? Would I take the time and energy to make sure they had transportation? Or would that be too much of a burden on me? If so, then maybe I contribute to the gap between the advantaged and the less advantaged.

Maybe I can't rely on organizations to always provide the needed support, maybe I have to do it myself. I once heard someone say that in giving to God we are to give until it hurts. If we can't feel a result of our sacrifice, if giving 10% doesn't phase us at all, then maybe we should give more.

When I say it doesn't phase us I don't mean for people who have such a heart for giving that it doesn't phase them to give that much. What I mean is, if we give 10% because God requires it but it doesn't affect our lives, we should consider giving more.

I'm no idiot and I know God wants us to be good stewards of our money and that includes taking care of one's family as well. I know it honors God to keep some money to take care of other needs, that's why he doesn't ask for it all. What I am saying is that if we don't sacrifice anything in our Christian walk then what are we gaining?

Just some thoughts.