Monday, May 11, 2009

A Year Already

The Bible talks about not knowing what the future will bring. God knows, but we don't.

The last year of my life- whoa.

It's been a year I was hooded, attended baccalaureate, and walked across the stage at graduation to receive my MDiv. I went through so many emotions and it was such a sacred time. I was taking a job with the Salvation Army and life was gonna move ahead.

Then things changed. The past year has been one of the biggest years for growth that I have ever had. I have experienced so much. The thing is, I didn't expect about 99% of it, and yet God has been faithful.

A look at the past year:

~I started my first "real" career job. I moved into my own apartment. I never struggled with depression but it hit me hard. Financially I couldn't make it, I felt a lack of community, I didn't even want to get up and go to work in the mornings. I moved back home within a month and a half.

~The economy was bad, couldn't get a desk job so I rejoined the Bojangles team I had worked with my last semester of divinity school to pay my unexpected new car bills. Only this time I had my degree and was still working fast food. So many people I knew came through- including the assistant dean of the divinity school who was in my exit interview. Humiliating and yet I found a great deal of fellowship with my co-workers. Suprisingly, I was able to make it fun sometimes.

~I stood as a bridesmaid and watched my only sibling get married.

~I had my first real dating relationship. I fell head over heels for him and watched him walk away. Contrary to what I felt at the time, I survived the heartache.

~I have, at times, felt incredibly far from God and yet have also experienced his faithfulness and renewal in new ways.

~I visited my grandmother in the NICU at WakeMed, having no idea I'd be visiting that unit as a chaplain several months later. As a chaplain I have done things I never thought I'd do and I have loved it.

~I've lost about 37 pounds

~I was offered a great job, then it was taken away. I was incredibly upset. Then something better came along and I have a great job now. I love my co-workers, the management team, and the kids. I'm defintely looking forward to working there this summer without the crazy schedule I've had since I started.

~Speaking of jobs, I was so scared about CPE. No guarentee of a residency, and yet I got one.

~I have been so exhausted that I felt like I could be sick. I have cried to God in my car, expressing how tired and worn out I was. These past few months have been more demanding than any other point in my life.

~I have been impatient and short-tempered with those closest to me. I let my anger get the best of me sometimes and yet I feel these relationships are on the mend.

~I have grown so much in my "real world" (not a huge fan of that phrase) experience and have gotten a better hold of finances, but I still have a long way to go.

You know, as I write these things I realize that a blog cannot capture everything I have experienced, learned, and loved this past year. I have gone from feeling like I ruined my life to thanking God for incredible days. Those reading this may not think these experiences are that big of a deal, but I feel that I have grown so much in the past year.

So, no, I can't capture the past 365 days in a blog post. But trust me, God's mercies are new every morning- even when the morning doesn't seem to come for months.